You may SAY that that’s Glendower, but I know that the real Glendower never came back from the vet (probably some unspeakable experiment is being done on him, and I can’t believe you don’t care about that; you say you love cats but obviously you don’t or you would never take any of us to the vet).  THAT is an imposter, an alien, and he is going to murder us all in our beds, especially you big hoo-man apes who sleep like the dead, not always ready to pounce on dangerous intruders, like us.  And if he didn’t murder you last night, that’s just because he’s playing some long game, lulling you into a false sense of security.  If I ever go off guard, HE WILL STRIKE.

You are going to be so sorry you didn’t listen to me.

And for cat’s sake, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING IN Academic Cog’s cats.  What are you, crazy?  The only good cat is Basement Cat, and ye shall have no other cats before me.  As for that mangy orange monster in the yard, you ARE crazy, clearly.  Why can’t you use your bleeding-heart impulses on some hoo-man political sneeze instead of trying to solve feline homelessness?  They’re all a bunch of lazy no-goodniks.  Except me.  I will selflessly keep trying to protect you from false-Glendower, until he kills us all.

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